


Putting the dog to sleep

by hospice, Spacebabevomit



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Sad angsty shit, be warned, billy is a baby don’t tell me otherwise, but happy endings are soon to aproach, dont worry we’re fine, it be like that, pretty much two lads just venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 16:30:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17790854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hospice/pseuds/hospice, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacebabevomit/pseuds/Spacebabevomit
Summary: Billy just tended to have the worst of luck, and the whole soulmate feeling his emotions really just added to that list. He didn’t know how to deal with his own feelings, how would he deal with somebody else’s? Let alone have somebody deal with his? Then again, maybe everybody deserved a happy ending. And possibly he’d find it in his crush, Steve Harrington.Steve had always thought Wheeler was his soulmate, until he slowly realised that he couldn’t feel anything from her. After they split, he was scared that he’d never find his soulmate. Be alone, till the end. Or at least thats what the rumours spoke of. All up until he saw more of Billy Hargrove, he started to doubt his old reasoning of being alone.





	Putting the dog to sleep

Billy sincerely hated his life. And he guessed he had some good reasons too. Abusive dad, shitty friends, and an even shittier self esteem, he had a lot to loathe. So, he most definitely over compensated to make sure nobody knew that. Who could know that the star basketball player thought about death far to often for it to be normal? It’d ruin his reputation. He’d end up being compared to the freshman who had killed herself two years before he got there, and he really didn’t fucking need that. He knew his friends weren’t really there for him. They liked him for his fame, liked him for his persona, not for him. He thought about this all as he sat in his room, come sail away by Styx playing softly in the background. Billy had a hard time crying, a severely hard time. Couldn’t do it for the life of him, almost like it had been beaten into him not too. Well, maybe that wasn’t too far from the case. The song though made him wanna cry, and he knew if he could he’d bawl his eyes out to this song. His breath was soft as he laid and listened, looking up at his ceiling. His breathing was shallow, and a part of him wondered what would happen if it stopped all together.   
Stop that.   
He chides himself as he listens to the music. A part of him wished he could just float away, sail away to some deserted island where he’d finally be isolated. Isolation. Man did the word get to him. If he had a choice, he’d never leave his house. He’d stay locked inside, away from every human being out there. But with an overly controlling father, and an annoying step sister, that wasn’t an option. God he wanted to push everybody the fuck away from him, especially that douche Tommy. He could live without them. Except, maybe Harrington. He liked Harrington, maybe more than a man should. That was the other issue with Billy, he was at a big dilema when it came to his sexuality. Did he like men? Yes. Did he like just men? Most likely yeah, did he hate himself for it? You betcha. Some dude back in California had talked about it, about Billy’s ‘issue’ you’ve got too much internalized homophobia, I can’t be with you man. Come back when you’ve come to terms with yourself.   
The words had hurt, especially since billy had been certain he loved the man who said them to him. Love. God he fucking despised it. Between years of some asshole named Anthony’s abuse, love had been thoroughly ruined for him. But still, when he watched Steve walk down the hall with his stupid fucking hair, his stupid dorky smile, his stupid puppy eyes, his heart still skipped a beat. He knew there wasn’t a slight possibility about Steve liking him back. He was pretty damn certain of it. Usually, when you beat somebody’s face in, they don’t tend to love you. God that night. Billy regretted it so much. He had never truly understood the word regret until then. He couldn’t stand what he had done to Steve. Couldn’t stand what he let happen. The beating he gave Steve was fucking horrendous. He knew it from the fact that Steve couldn’t even go to school for two days after it. Billy had never sincerely hated himself for anything more than for the fight. Billy had been so fired up from his dad, he slipped and lost control. He didn’t fucking have a thing against Steve and yet he beat the fuck out of him. Who the /fuck/ does that? A fucked up idiot does. Billy had never been kind to himself. Never. Between punching walls, drinking, and putting himself in risky situations, self love and Billy Hargrove didn’t go together. Not by a long shot. That was some pussy shit, and billy wasn’t about to start being a pussy. It was bad enough his dad thought he was, he didn’t need the rest of Hawkins thinking it too. But, his thoughts lingered again. Steve harrington, pretty boy. His pale skin, his brown eyes, it all drove Billy fucking crazy. He couldn’t keep himself from thinking about him for more than two hours. His thoughts always seemed to be on the brunette. Even his voice sounded so perfect.   
Come on man, don’t you ever stop talking?  
Get out.   
Yeah it’s me, don’t cream your pants.   
Billy couldn’t take his mind away from the beautiful boy. Billy turned in his bed. He couldn’t get comfortable, and he was starting to think it wasn’t because of the bed. His mom, when she had been alive, had told him about soulmates. Told him that a soulmate could feel their special others feelings when they were close to him. And that scared billy. He couldn’t deal with his own emotions, how was he supposed to deal with somebody else’s? What scared him more was that his soulmate could be out there, right now, knowing he was a sad sack of shit waiting to die. That terrified him. Love terrified him. After dating somebody who solely used him for his body (could you even count that as dating?) it terrified him. What if he got used again? As much as he pretended he liked when the girls touched his abs, gawked at his body, he was truly in turmoil. He knew if he ever got them in bed, he’d get used and left again. So, he opted to not let anybody into his bed. But, he didn’t think he’d mind if Steve was in his bed. As he drifted to sleep, the warm sun of may seeping thru his window, he started to dream. Usually he’d have a bad dream, maybe a repressed memory or two would come up, but tonight, like many other nights, he dreamed of a boy.


End file.
